Saturday, February 18, 2012

Insecure, but stubborn

I've heard more than once in the last week how fast February seems to be ticking by. I kept thinking it was just me, but I think there are many of us that feel like time is flying by. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I have a daughter, who is-as of Wednesday night- a senior cheerleader. Maybe it's the fact that on Thursday, my baby girl will be thirteen. Yikes. I'm not sure what's going on, but every one around me seems to be aging.  Why do I still feel the same? In my head  anyway.... I can see my body aging. I'm not that out of touch with reality..which sucks completely, by the way. But I can't stop it, so there's no need to worry about it.

Sometimes I feel like I've mastered a lot of issues I had growing up and even into my early adulthood. And then sometimes... I'm the same insecure girl, whose afraid of change, to try new things or is so paralyzed by not doing something really well, she won't even try it. I thought I'd gotten over all that, but then sometimes, that part of my personality rears it's ugly head again. Just when I think I've finally grown up enough to overcome it, here it comes again...booooooo.

It effects my self-esteem and then I question why in the world I'm even trying to write a novel or fool with a blog. Luckily, I'm just stubborn enough not to let it stop me for long. I do feel like it slows me down some, but it won't stop me....

This is my stubbornness made into a bull. I'm also a Taurus, so it sorta fits me. When I make my mind up about something, no matter what it is, I put my head down and dig in until I've achieved what I set out to do.